Twitter: A Love Story

[OCTOBER, 2009]

[Alice and Keeley sit, watching a guest speaker.]

Tech Speaker: "Thanks guys! If you like me, follow me on Twitter!"  

Alice: "Pssht, Twitter..."

Moi: "What's Twitter?"

Alice: "It's a place where people can follow what celebrities are taking a shit or walking their dog or whatever. Basically it's where you can spy on people with better lives than you until you pass out in a puddle of your own self loathing."

Moi: "Sounds stupid."

Alice: "Yeah, never jumping on that bandwagon."

[JUNE 2010]

Alice: "I just jumped on that bandwagon."

Moi: "...What?"

Alice: "I just got a Twitter."

Moi: "HA HA HAAAA, HOW UNFORTUNATE FOR YOU."

Alice: "You should get a Twitter, too."

Moi: "Uh, yeah, that's not happening."

[JULY]

Alice: "Get a Twitter."

Moi: "No."

[AUGUST.]

Alice: "Get a Twitter."

Moi: "No."

[SEPTEMBER.]

Alice: "GET A TWITTER."

Moi: "NO, ALICE. I AM NEVER GETTING A GOD DAMN TWITTER."

[EARLY OCTOBER.]

Moi: "I JUST GOT A GOD DAMN TWITTER."

Alice: "YAY!"

[MID-OCTOBER.]

Moi: "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS GOD DAMN TWITTER?"

Alice: "Go do something worth tweeting about, moron." 

Moi: "Yeah, that sounds like a great way to live my life."

Alice: "Or you could just wait until the novelty wears out, and then forget about it like you've forgotten about every other commitment in your life."

Moi: "Whatever, Alice. I'm going back to reading Stephen Fry's tweets until I pass out in a puddle of my own self loathing."

[LATE OCTOBER.]

Moi: "Oh, hey, I just got a job in Portland."

Alice: "You should post something about it on Twitter!"

Moi: "What's Twitter?"

*FOLLOWME@VERTEDINDE*