One of my favorite things about the holidays - aside from the road rage, the sub-degree weather, and the suffocating amount of Christmas carols on the radio - are the gifts. And not just the ones addressed to me: buying gifts for other people and seeing the reactions is also a big part of it:
[SCENE - Random Holiday Living Room]
(A group of people give each other gifts beside an open fire.)
Boy: *opens present* "Oh wow, cool, a Zelda shirt!" *reads* "...You make me hard like the Water Temple?"
Girl: {^_^}
Third Person: "OH GOD, THE FIRE! IT SPREADS! WHY DID WE MAKE IT OPEN?!"
Just memories of loud and merry gatherings, exchanging gifts as we nurse each other's second and third degree burns, give me a high even my dealer can't match.
Which is why it's so frustrating when you just can't find that perfect gift.
[SCENE - Inside Borders Book Store, A Day Before Christmas...]
(Alex is on the clock, and is helping me look for Christmas gifts. Alex does not need to buy Christmas gifts because he has foresight. He is also a filthy, filthy Jew).
Alex: "So Keeley, I noticed that you're doing a good deal of your Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve. Should I call you a dipshit now, or wait until my shift's over so I can do a little dance while I say it?"
Moi: "The dancing one. Now shut up and help me, I need to find a present for Will."
Alex: "This late? You haven't done that already?"
Moi: "No! Because he's making it as difficult as possible! Everytime I bring it up, the same thing happens:"
[FLASHBACK - Will's Living Room, Day...]
Moi: "Hey Will?"
Will: "Yeah?"
Moi: "What do you want for Christmas?"
Will: "YOU'LL NEVER KNOW!!!"
*Will leaps across room and SMASHES out of living room window*
Moi: *shakes fist* "YOU CAN'T RUN FOREVER, HALAS!!"
[SCENE - Borders Books, Day...]
Alex: ( -_- )"...No, it doesn't."
Moi: "Fine. It doesn't. But he won't give me a straight answer. We always have the same conversation."
[SCENE - Will's Living Room, Day...]
Moi: "Will, what do you want for Christmas?"
Will: "...Keeley, we've been dating for six months."
Moi: "Yeah, see, that doesn't answer my question."
Will: "You know what I'd want."
Moi: ( >_< ) "No, Will Halas. No, I do not. See, because if I did, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. Because I'd be out fucking buying it. Or stealing it. Or wrapping it. Or shoving it up your ass because getting a straight answer out of you on this particular subject IS LIKE PULLING MY OWN TEETH OUT. SO WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"
*awkward pause*
Will: "...I'd like anything you give me."
Moi: "GOD DAMN IT."
[Back to Border's...]
Moi: "You'd think I was trying to torture the guy, not buy him a gift." *picks up book* "He's going to get Oprah's Big Book Of Happiness for Christmas, and it'll be his own damn fault."
Alex: "He has a point, though. You've been dating the guy for six months, and you can't figure out a Christmas gift for him?"
Moi: "You're a Jew."
Alex: "Keeley, that has nothing to do with - "
Moi: "It's not just finding a present, Alex. It's finding a great present. Because I know when we exchange gifts, he's going to have something radically awesome, and I'm going to have something shitty like a CD or a pair of socks, and then he'll be able to lord it over me for the rest of the year! I have to one-up him, Alex! My present has to be better!!"
Alex: "...You're a dipshit."
Moi: "And you're a Jew."
*OHJOYCHRISTMASSHOPPING!*
